Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Wondering Thoughts

Lately I've been wondering a lot about my existance - who I am, and why I'm put here on earth. I just want to get to know myself better. You know sometimes when you get to know someone, and you say "I just want to get to know you better"? Well, it's time I said that to myself. I have come to understand many people except myself. I asked my friend the other day.. I wanted to know what his first impression was on me when he first got to know me. He used two words to describe me : Smart and independent. This got me wondering... I guess I'm smart, it's not like I go around bragging, but everybody's smart in their own way. But independent? I'm not so sure. At times I feel so confident, even with an air of superiority. Yet at other times I have faced doom.. I have faced emotional disturbances. I've had emotional breakdowns. And they turn ugly.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Bride & Groom Day Out

We went to our bridal consultant after the church service to select my wedding and evening gown for the big day. Our photo shoot is scheduled on 30th of July and i have to select six different gowns to use for the shooting. It took me two hours to fit all the gowns and i was tired and hungry.....

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Not a word

I have been in hiding from the blogging world.

I am going through changes with my moment now. It's scary. I am slowing down. Emotional breakdowns are haunting me and insecurity is hitting in hard. It's best that i keep these things to myself.I have been on a very superficial life. I go out and meet people with a pretentious-mind. It's fucked up. I hate myself for that. I go out because i want to be seen. I am becoming fake from the inside. At this point, i'd rather be at home being a couch potato or cradle mouse into my bedroom.

Monday, June 27, 2005

from left to right (yoke fen, sara, syamie, amin... and of course me... Posted by Hello

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Question about Him

i love him
i love liam
i love william
i love keng lim

Question : Whats the significance of all the statement above???

Monday, May 16, 2005


When you’re an outsider in a different place, the first thing a local asks you is usually, “How do you like it here?” And of course, if you were a decent and polite human being, you would automatically answer something positive, even if you’re thinking the exact opposite. After all, what right do you have to insult a place you haven’t lived in? My answer to that question during my first year in the Malaysia was always something as vague as, “It’s okay.” It’s not like I never complained. I did. I hated a lot of things here. I hated the way people would stare at me whenever i went out public with my Chinese boyfriend... now my fiancee . I hated the heat that made my shirt stick to my back, the trash that was thrown anywhere and everywhere, the smell from the people who eats so much of curry....the crowd that jostled you when your inside the MRT. I was depressed for more than a while. It took at least a year before I stopped dreading waking up in the morning. It took a few more for this place to become a home of sorts, with friends I’ll miss and a culture I now find both admirable and lamentable.I’ve been here for almost 3++ years now. Time enough for me to finally admit the truth of those earlier years without fear of being accused of pre-judging. It will soon become my HOME...

Friday, May 13, 2005

No One Waits Forever

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when THEY ARE RIGHT BESIDE YOU AND YET YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THEM . . . when the moment you can't feel them under your fingertips you miss them?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you
get ashamed of because words diminish them, words shrink things that seemed timeless when they were in your head . . . to no more than living size when they are brought out . .

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person? Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own . . . when you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you? Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much . . . for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever? Or fell for your best-friend in the entire world, and then sat around and watched her fall for someone else? Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle? We tell lies when we are afraid . . . afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie . . . the thing we fear grows stronger.

Moral: Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had. No one waits forever . . .